Yesterday while riding the train home, I was eavesdropping ( well I cant help myself, he was obviously frustrated and was practically shouting) on a couple sitting to my left. Not sure what the argument was all about but she kept repeating "its cultural". He started venting again and ended with the eff word + culture. I was the only other foreigner in the train so I tried hard to sink lower in my seat but the huge guy sitting next to me left me no room to do so, disappointed I raised my magazine higher. The Japanese woman, apparently the girl friend, was obviously embarrassed about the unwanted attention they were recieving from the other commuters but the guy just wouldn't stop. And she did no justice by repeating " Its cultural", if theres one thing that most foreigners hate, its exactly that, Japanese using "culture" as an excuse to avoid further confrontation.
For a long while the only explanation I ever got from my Japanese language teacher, friends and boss regarding any matter at hand is " its cultural". I always ask myself, what culture is that? can I at least get an explanation if not on the matter, at least the culture. I tried to learn and practise as much Japanese culture as I could and I had to admitted I succeeded in most areas because its similar to my own culture. Moreover I love and appreciate cultures of all nations or group of people, I try not to question the origins but try to respect it, and as the saying goes " when in Rome, do as the Romans"
Still I must admit it can get frustrating, when you ask why I cant get this? why that person responded that way? why this is impossible? and the only explanation you get is "its cultural". But I later come to conclude that saying "its cultural" is actually the culture, to avoid confrontation, the Japanese consider themselves peaceful people. They are not interested in direct conflicts and they will try to avoid it at all cost, if possible a mediator should be called. Moreover if they are caught in an awkward position, that might turn into a conflict or it means someone getting offended they will use it as a way to end or re-direct the conversation. Which in my opinion is not a bad way to keep the peace at all.
Unfortunately, we foreigners living in Tokyo don't seem to understand and appreciate the Idea behind this. We are used to direct conflicts actually in some areas its encouraged. Its hard to adapt and quickly pick up on a new culture and the way of handling matters. But resisting something that we cant change proves more difficult, what surprises me most are those who came to Tokyo and just don't accept the culture, the way of life and how the Japanese handle daily situation. We should ask ourselves, why are we here complaining if our country and our practises and beliefs are the right ways of living? And don't say " I don't have a choice" of course you do have a choice!. Quit your Job and go home if that's the case . Aren't we being a bit shallow? thinking our foreign culture is right and asking the Japanese population to switch or compromise theirs in their own country? How absurd is that?
I have tonnes of friends that either marry of date Japanese and at dinner dates with them always put me in a bad position. Whenever the topic of Japan came up, its always negative and the Japanese wives always take the hit. I always hear the same question and comments over and over again, doesn't matter if its from someone who's been here for years or a new arrival....its the same. I always ask myself this " why do these people choose to come to Japan?"
The couple in the train eventually got off at a stop before me, one commuter let out a huge sigh of relief while the group of university students went into a deep discussion about foreigners. I bow my head and pray for a tornado to come pick me up and drop me somewhere else. Fortunately no one seem to notice my presence, thanks to my outfit *suit* I blend in well with the rest of the commuters...I think.
Just like any other place one might visit its always important to understand and respect their cultures...it is amazing how that will always works out for you and if you are learning a language, especially Japanese, you can only thrive if you take time to study and appreciate the culture as well For the Japanese Language like any other is heavily rooted in the culture.
When ever a Japanese says " its cultural" you know it can be one of these two things, either its awkward for him to further explain or it might cause confrontation. And before you know it you might start saying " Its cultural"
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