Christmas is over and New years 2011 is here, despite 2010 being the toughest year of my life I'm still hanging onto Christmas 2010. So much happened in a span of just a week leading up to Christmas day, some memorable moments that would definitely stand out others regrettable but the lessons and mistakes were too intricate to just move on from.
However one of the moments that stood out was this little conversation I had with an acquaintance. Somehow we started talking about my leaving Japan and I ended with my reason being: " I don't really have a future in Japan". His response was quite off and a bit offensive : " Yeah its a bit hard for foreign women in Japan because we foreign dudes date Japanese girls and the Japanese men are too shy". Apparently he misinterpreted what I said. Usually I would get defensive and try hard to explain what I actually meant and then put in a few good word for the foreign female here in Tokyo. That night I took a different approach and ask him to elaborate more on what he said. And honestly he is saying all the things that we other foreigners both male and female think of a majority of the foreign men.
So I decided to lighten up a few people who seem to think that foreign ladies are finding a hard time getting dates in Tokyo. Together with my own experience, my friends, my acquaintances, my college friends complete with a little survey I did with my foreign male friends.
First up my good friend tse-tse who like me date a Japanese male only once and decided that we cannot waste our time trying to change a perfectly good Japanese male but go out and find someone similar to ourselves. We both had the same experience we expected to be treated in a manner we are accustom to: Ladies first (no matter what), gender equality (not that Japanese do not practise it, they just show it in a completely different manner) . We were not expecting flowers everyday or things like that, just the standard western behaviour towards female partners. For tse-tse and I its more by choice not because Japanese guys are shy or anything. With the little time we had in Tokyo as a foreigner we prefer to keep it real and not try to change a perfectly good Japanese male to the way we think he should be.
Tse-tse dates mostly foreign men and unlike most foreign men, foreign ladies as far as I know hardly go out of their way to get dates. And Tse-tse is a fine example, people are surprised that shes single because she is successful, beautiful and kind. The thing with my friend Tse-tse is that she knows that Japanese girls are no competition. She understood that the Japanese girls have their own thing and shes in another league. Now I will introduce another lovely lady friend of mine, whom I will call Jessy. Jessy is no different to Tse-tse they are amazing woman whose level of confidence can be mistaken for arrogance. And that's the thing Japanese woman lack, confidence. Japanese ladies love being weak, fragile, cute and helpless which works for them just fine. A western woman who tries to be cute end up looking dumb, sorry but that's true,
This is not about comparing Japanese woman and foreigners....just giving out an Idea of how different we are to each other and just like a group of living organism in any habitat we adapt and function in a way that we both thrive.
So using a Japanese woman as an example, not all Japanese woman have a rich love life all these varies from one person to another. The same applies to foreign woman, its not their location its who they are as a person. Are they willing to put in the extra effort to go out and get a guy or not? This is where my college friend Kay comes in, she is a very shy and defensive young woman. And for someone this suspicious about every guy who approached her. She attract men in millions. She confided that its always been like that and Japan didn't slow it down one bit. We might say no I'm Japanese, I'm American, I'm whatever deep down I think we are all humans looking for the same challenge. No man can say I don't like the challenge, sure some gave up midway but still they enjoy the ride, thrill of chasing something.
And of course its true there are some foreign ladies who finds it hard to get dates but the difference with these women and the foreign dudes here is they don't settle for less than what they expect. I have tonnes of foreign lady friends who like me remain single for a few months even years and not once did I hear them complaining...Now I bring in my foreign male friends into the picture...who dates thousands of Japanese girls even marry a few and the complaints I heard was like WOW!!! I mean how can you go home to someone you just described? All I see is desperation....
I ask a few foreign male friends about dating foreign ladies and they always say that there are not a lot of foreign women in Japan and that is true. The ratio of foreign men to foreign women is around 100:1. Ive been a foreign woman in Japan for a while now and A foreign guy dating a Japanese girl seem normal but whenever I see a foreign woman with a Japanese guy its still very rare and I find it beautiful. Theres something different about it, I can almost smell love. With foreign male and Japanese woman I see lust, Visa, desperation, and rarely love.
However one of the moments that stood out was this little conversation I had with an acquaintance. Somehow we started talking about my leaving Japan and I ended with my reason being: " I don't really have a future in Japan". His response was quite off and a bit offensive : " Yeah its a bit hard for foreign women in Japan because we foreign dudes date Japanese girls and the Japanese men are too shy". Apparently he misinterpreted what I said. Usually I would get defensive and try hard to explain what I actually meant and then put in a few good word for the foreign female here in Tokyo. That night I took a different approach and ask him to elaborate more on what he said. And honestly he is saying all the things that we other foreigners both male and female think of a majority of the foreign men.
So I decided to lighten up a few people who seem to think that foreign ladies are finding a hard time getting dates in Tokyo. Together with my own experience, my friends, my acquaintances, my college friends complete with a little survey I did with my foreign male friends.
First up my good friend tse-tse who like me date a Japanese male only once and decided that we cannot waste our time trying to change a perfectly good Japanese male but go out and find someone similar to ourselves. We both had the same experience we expected to be treated in a manner we are accustom to: Ladies first (no matter what), gender equality (not that Japanese do not practise it, they just show it in a completely different manner) . We were not expecting flowers everyday or things like that, just the standard western behaviour towards female partners. For tse-tse and I its more by choice not because Japanese guys are shy or anything. With the little time we had in Tokyo as a foreigner we prefer to keep it real and not try to change a perfectly good Japanese male to the way we think he should be.
Tse-tse dates mostly foreign men and unlike most foreign men, foreign ladies as far as I know hardly go out of their way to get dates. And Tse-tse is a fine example, people are surprised that shes single because she is successful, beautiful and kind. The thing with my friend Tse-tse is that she knows that Japanese girls are no competition. She understood that the Japanese girls have their own thing and shes in another league. Now I will introduce another lovely lady friend of mine, whom I will call Jessy. Jessy is no different to Tse-tse they are amazing woman whose level of confidence can be mistaken for arrogance. And that's the thing Japanese woman lack, confidence. Japanese ladies love being weak, fragile, cute and helpless which works for them just fine. A western woman who tries to be cute end up looking dumb, sorry but that's true,
This is not about comparing Japanese woman and foreigners....just giving out an Idea of how different we are to each other and just like a group of living organism in any habitat we adapt and function in a way that we both thrive.
So using a Japanese woman as an example, not all Japanese woman have a rich love life all these varies from one person to another. The same applies to foreign woman, its not their location its who they are as a person. Are they willing to put in the extra effort to go out and get a guy or not? This is where my college friend Kay comes in, she is a very shy and defensive young woman. And for someone this suspicious about every guy who approached her. She attract men in millions. She confided that its always been like that and Japan didn't slow it down one bit. We might say no I'm Japanese, I'm American, I'm whatever deep down I think we are all humans looking for the same challenge. No man can say I don't like the challenge, sure some gave up midway but still they enjoy the ride, thrill of chasing something.
And of course its true there are some foreign ladies who finds it hard to get dates but the difference with these women and the foreign dudes here is they don't settle for less than what they expect. I have tonnes of foreign lady friends who like me remain single for a few months even years and not once did I hear them complaining...Now I bring in my foreign male friends into the picture...who dates thousands of Japanese girls even marry a few and the complaints I heard was like WOW!!! I mean how can you go home to someone you just described? All I see is desperation....
I ask a few foreign male friends about dating foreign ladies and they always say that there are not a lot of foreign women in Japan and that is true. The ratio of foreign men to foreign women is around 100:1. Ive been a foreign woman in Japan for a while now and A foreign guy dating a Japanese girl seem normal but whenever I see a foreign woman with a Japanese guy its still very rare and I find it beautiful. Theres something different about it, I can almost smell love. With foreign male and Japanese woman I see lust, Visa, desperation, and rarely love.
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